Miss Inky had a great post up last week about The Sentence, so I decided to try writing a few sentences myself.
The Sentence is "a protagonist with a compelling need, set against an antagonist with a compelling need, doing interesting things in interesting places, with something slightly askew." (Holly Lisle) See Inky's blog for futher details.
So, applying this method to three of my novels and two short stories, this is what I came up with.
Angel Undercover:
When amoral idealist Maisen uses her sister as a tool in his world-altering plan, Paige Moss must intervene, which leads to a self-discovery and confidence-gathering experience like no other.
(updated version 4/9/09: When Paige gets kidnapped, she must get past her shyness in order to save her sister’s integrity, her friend’s happiness, and her city’s existence from the manipulating grip of a deranged visionary.
The Snatch:
Xindlepete Henderson, a sort of Robin Hood figure, struggles to make his atypical idealism work amidst the much harsher realities of the crime world in Iphesia.
Foolish Nonsense: (short story)
Janice Martin doesn’t believe in superstition – at least not until the day she dies for it.
Tonight I Hunt: (short story)
Estranged from her people, Pearl, a predator by nature, adopts an abandoned prey whelp and holds onto this unnatural relationship, despite that it may starve them both to death.
Of The Sea:
As a selk born without a pelt, and thus no way to join the world of her kin, Colleen struggles to learn of her heritage and reconcile the possibility that she may never be able to call the sea her home.
For those of you familiar with The Sentence, did I do a fair job?
For anyone, do these sentences hook you? Which work and which need work?
2 comments:
Hey this is a cool idea!
I like what you did with Angel Undercover, although there may be a snappier way to say "self discovery and confidence-gathering experience" that hints at the action and excitement in the book. I'm sorry, I have no idea how to put that, but I'll comment again if I do.
I LOVE the one for "Tonight I Hunt".
For The Snatch, you don't need "a sort of" before Robin Hood figure. Otherwise, it's really good!
Ah, yes, Inky helped me with my sentence for Monarch. It really helped to hone in on the point of the story!
Angel Undercover:
When amoral idealist Maisen uses her sister as a tool in his world-altering plan, Paige Moss must intervene, which leads to a self-discovery and confidence-gathering experience like no other.
I don't like the "which leads" phrase here. Sounds forced. And it seems a bit wordy with the "amoral idealist" and all the hyphenated words you have. It's also pretty vague. Give more something more specific! Don't be afraid to give information away. It's what will pull us in!
The Snatch:
Xindlepete Henderson, a sort of Robin Hood figure, struggles to make his atypical idealism work amidst the much harsher realities of the crime world in Iphesia.
Still vague, I think. And AC is right. Don't need "sort of"
Foolish Nonsense: (short story)
Janice Martin doesn’t believe in superstition – at least not until the day she dies for it.
See, this one works! I love this one. :) Seems a little short, but it is a short story, I suppose. :)
Tonight I Hunt: (short story)
Estranged from her people, Pearl, a predator by nature, adopts an abandoned prey whelp and holds onto this unnatural relationship, despite that it may starve them both to death.
I would change "this" to "the". I like the end part of this. :)
Of The Sea:
As a selk born without a pelt, and thus no way to join the world of her kin, Colleen struggles to learn of her heritage and reconcile the possibility that she may never be able to call the sea her home.
This one works well, I think. But the end may need more of a "punch" if you know what I mean. Why would it be so terrible to her not be able to call the sea her home? Let us know why somehow, maybe?
These are hard. I think you have a GREAT start!
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