Post-EE discussion. Yes, I realize I said I'd wait a couple days 'till the comments stopped rolling in, but I got all itchy and impatient. Here goes.
Old Query (the one that went up at EE)
[redacted]
And now the new, revamped version. I've focused it down to just the main conflict, which removed a lot of words, but then I had to add details to explain the conflict, thus it's only marginally shorter than before. I think it's too long even though it does fit on one page. If any of you see a way to make it smaller, please comment! :)
[redacted]
EDIT: Trust me, you don't want to see the old versions. I'm trying to forget them, personally. :)
2 comments:
I think you've made good changes on it, but it can be focused even more. I would suggest you allow yourself only, say, 5 sentences at first. This will force you to really get to the main storyline in your book. You can plump it up afterwards, but for now you should prioritize logical connections from one part to another rather than trying to fit everything in.
Your query will probably have an adress, a sentence or two talking about the agent to show that you researched him or her, and your own biography showing your publication/credentials. Those things take up a lot of space. In my query letter, I have one paragraph for the entire plot. You just want enough to get the agent to ask for pages. If they want the entire story they will ask for a synopsis which can be longer.
By the way, this is a hard thing to do, so don't get discouraged! I took months to write my letter.
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